Hippity hoppity here comes Mommy losing her marbles
It needs to be stated that I am one of those people who should never have a medical 'signs and symptoms' dictionary in her house, nor ever click unto Web MD. I will think I am dying of every disease, just days away from perishing. I believe it's important to own your neurosis.
So it comes as no surprise that I would panic tremendously when during mid-yell at the teenage daughter I stumble over my words- ME, Italian-Irish girl- having a problem getting out rapid fire retort to her snark. I tell myself (before the dysfunction takes hold) that I have many things on my mind and that even though I have always struck with lightening verbal speed, this is normal. I have many reasons for my falter. She was upsetting my zen flow. I was looking for my chapstick. I was interrupted buttering my toast, which as we all know, takes great mental effort and clarity!
Within moments though, the crazy settles in. I have dementia. Early onset Alzheimer's. I am having a stroke.
Even teenage daughter tells me I am off my game. I do not like to be off my game.
Two glasses of wine later (red as it improves cardiovascular health and memory!) I accept the real, very unglamorous truth: I am not 28 anymore.
I can no longer:
1) Stay up all night (without wanting to commit homicide the next day)
2) Wear 6 inch heels (my back can barely manage 3")
3) Drink in the afternoon (I will fall asleep)
4) Tolerate asshat (it's a turning 40 thing)
5) Give my time to asshats (see above)
6) Pretend I like Parent Open Houses (My face hurts from pretend smiling)
7) Wear bras without padding.(see #4)
So life changes. So maybe I'm not as spunky as I used to be. So what? There are still PLENTY of things I can do.
The "can" list:
1) Wear a miniskirt and still look appropriate (I know my days are numbered, shut up!)
2) Remember any lyric from 1985-1993 (it's just after that time that gets a bit fuzzy)
3) Say no when I need/want to (it's a 40's thang)
4) Dream of what I want to be when I grow up (late bloomer)
5) Be kind to asshats (if I uttered 'stick it' I would know Dementia was a real possibility)
6) Still do a shoulder stand in yoga (it may hurt for three weeks to turn my head but I can still do it!!)
7) Laugh at myself (especially in mid-yell to teenage daughter)
So it's humbling. You try to banish the fear and let family know that you won't have an answer to everything and you will forget what word to say next; not from memory loss but because your brain is filled with so MANY moments/memories/to do's that it's hard to contain it all. And that is OK. It's evolution Baby!
So feel like you are having a stroke but then remember more likely you are just having a life.