OK, so is it acceptable that I want to drink copious amounts of red wine each night instead of going to yoga, instead of cooking dinner, instead of eating dinner, instead of laundry, baths, bedtime and any other item that falls under my current job description?? I want to channel Liz Taylor in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf. I want to slam down pots and pans, have a snarl when I talk and walk around like a bad ass. And why not all those things? I am not interested in boxing myself in the saint or slut container men so often put us in. I want to go further. I want to be a little unhinged. I think the generation before us wanted that too. If you look hard at the black and white photos you can see the perspiration rings on the pillbox hats, ardor itching to be free. Don't you think Jackie O. wanted to untie her Valentino, say what she meant and declare what she wanted right then and there with a loud booming anti-Jackie voice? Throw down the covers, open the curtains and make everyone around her really, really nervous.
Hell yeah. That's the way to roll.
Banish the tip toeing, the diplomacy, the hierarchy of how things should be.
Lets have them how they can be.
Here is my how to guide for being a bad ass. Pay attention, it gets tricky as you go.
1) No matter what you are wearing, be it sweatpants or taffeta put on red lipstick.
And when you do, don't be dainty about it. Put it on like a woman who knows what's ahead of her.
Even when you don't.
2) Do not apologize. Contrary to your family's belief it is not all your fault.
Wear that bit of information like a badge.
3) Get some sun. Be bold, throw the sunscreen in the trash and let your cheeks get uncomfortably rosy.
4) Drink. As in luxurious Mimosas at least once a weekend. Stay in bed, read the paper and say piss off to your "have to" list.
5) Go out with your friends. Hit the road, hit the time limit square in the eyes and share, gripe and let it all loose. These women love you. Let them see your ugly cry. Chances are they will join you.
So hard and so loud it makes people uncomfortable. Makes you feel full.
7) Wear what you think you can't anymore. Who made the rules? Work that nose ring and tell those who look at you funny you also have one where it's not polite to mention.
8) Make it personal. Forget what you have been told.
If you don't like /it/him/her/ scrap em' in the bin.
9) Listen. To everything. Every motion and twinge, every single pull of your heart. It's a road map. Follow it.
10) Give till you break. But only for the things/people that are worth it. Let me repeat. Only the ones that are worth it.
Live it up girls. Nobody is gonna do it for us. I'm off to find Liz.