Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Pretty sure smug counts as negativity...

Day 3.

Even though I basically moved through the day with my lips pursed, carefully sidestepping any negative impulses, my brain had other ideas....I literally could not shut the gerbil brain down. And I'm pretty sure that counts. But hey, gotta learn to crawl before you walk right? I have been so busy carefully dissecting all my interpersonal conversations that I have virtually ignored all the ones that happen with those near my proximity -and sometimes not even in my proximity-note the rather terse commentary I had with the beer truck blocking my car today,  for 10 freakin minutes!!!! Breathing...breathing...

My rambling point is, what of those conversations?

This experiment of sorts is rapidly becoming like the attic clean up; at first you think you will be up there an hour- tops. Then you start going through the boxes, toys, oh and remember this cute little outfit the baby wore!! Oh my goodness time does fly and next thing you know you are sitting around a pile of crap wondering how you acquired all this stuff in the first place. The 17 layer onion, that's what this is.

And what of those near and dear? I am seriously questioning my authenticity when I fight the urge to let the snark fly at my eye rolling 13 year old. Or when my hubby after being cruelly, savagely, persnickety to me  gathers himself enough to tell me his head is spinning from all the things he is doing. "We all make our choices" I say in a sing-songy voice with an awful smile. Yup. Pretty sure smug counts.

I wonder how Annie did it.

Did she go off somewhere pleasant in her mind, leaving it all behind? Or did she just say to herself, Could be worse. Even though she was not a New England girl I can almost picture her saying that, all New Englandy with a wonderfully unaffected gaze...can't you?
Maybe I am putting her on a pedestal but I really think she just let it all roll off her.

I'm trying Annie. Really, I am.


  1. Wow, you really know how to turn a phrase. "cruelly, savagely, persnickety to me" sounds awful. Point the finger at that guy!

  2. I know the feeling! So much of it comes down to your last post; "judgement". You really made me think today, Ms. Oakley. Arrogance can be internal, but being smug...generally that, I would think, is an external judgement. Knowing that you would have, could have, do, do better than others...judgement. How would Annie have done it differently? Let well eough alone and just focused on her world; I reckon' Thank you for helping me continue on my internal focus!

  3. I so can relate!!!!!