Friday, April 22, 2011

Someone has to say it

It needs to be discussed. I will do it in my most tra-la-la voice bringing on the high pitch to accentuate the positive, but cheese and crackers, it needs to be aired in the light of day.

Fairly confident we have what makes good friend covered.
Now lets talk about what...doesn't.

Again, skating by the snark deftly with precision, we all have been there haven't we? You are having coffee, feeling a bit low, kids are going wackadoo again, tween's head is spinning around ala' Linda Blair and you need...reassurance. You need support. You need a cocktail.

You think you are going to get it from your pal, your neighbor, your kid's teacher, the mailman for Christsakes, but noooo, sadly, you are not. You are passing the poopstorm baton and there is nobody there to give you the high five and run with it.

Here are some of my most favorite baton dropping scenario's:

Silence is a good one. When you pour your heart out and get the look. Somewhere between complete condescension and out and out scorn. Or maybe it's whatever. Hard to say.

Or you: OMG can you believe this is happening?? Has this ever happened to you??!! (insert dire look to friend's eye) Them: Golly, no, My -insert name- kids/husband/mother-in-law/boss never does that. Must be something you are doing. 


There are some real hum dingers, but the basic line is that you are not getting that loving feeling back from someone who you thought was going to be the Hall to your Oats.

Well dear ones, this is a cautionary tale. Do not do what I did. Do not pour loving kindness in, do not explain yourself more (because they must just not understand that is why the uncomfortable, deafening silence really! really!) Just let the sentence die midstep, curtsy and exit the stage.

You can still be friends, sure, but it's never going to be the same again. Know that. Much like losing your virginity, you have crossed a bridge that you cannot uncross. Ooh-I almost forgot, rule #3- don't be delusional and tell yourself what happened didn't happen. It did. It wasn't just a bad day, it just is what it is.

Listen, there are friends you can laugh with, some you cry with, some you drink copious amounts of alcohol with. Your drinking buddy is not going to bring you dinner when your dog dies. Not going to happen. Accept it now, you will feel better. All friends were not meant to fit all purposes and all friendships were not meant to last forever. Saying goodbye to them or even taking that step away can range from feeling like when your first boyfriend dumped you (gut wrenching despair) to getting your ears pierced (hurts like hell but over quickly). At the end of the day we need to do what our Mom always told us to. End the day, end the chapter, close the book and look for a brighter morning. That may mean many things in our complicated lives: to look for meaning, look for purpose or look for the friend who says Honey, I have been there--- emergency dark chocolate and cheap red wine comin' up. 


  1. Oh I just adore you. Calling it like it is baby! xxxxx

  2. yeah it's something I've been thinking about as well. It's crazy to think about but our friendships evolve and take on new meanings as we change from the people we were to the people we are. I was thinking about some of the people I knew and how, at the time, I thought it would last forever. It's not sad, though. It's really kind of cool when you see the people in your life that are steady and how much you go through together. It's just one of those things you learn over time and it's all good! Thanks for posting

  3. So true. I know, the wine and roses days are sweet ones. But there also is something cool in seeing people evolve; good and bad. The pain is a great teacher. I wouldn't give it up although at the time it was a nasty cut. Glad that you are you my friend! :-)